Limited answers - relationships
My Thoughts
Since suffering my stroke, I pretty much feel like I’ve been stuffing up relationships. This feeling comes from not reading the cues or signals then staying up a fair bit of the night, wondering if I said or did the right thing. I know these are very negative thoughts, I'm just being honest about my feelings
The Ride
While we were moving from place to place during the 4 points ride, I had little opportunity to interact socially. If there was any interaction it was via dating apps. I’d start a conversation and it would just fade cause generally we’d be moving on the next day. In saying that, there's probably a handful of times when we still keep in contact via Instagram which is cool!
A Hypothetical One
I recently watched The One on Netflix and the synopsis is: there is a perfect system that matches your lifelong partner to you via a DNA program, and you live happily ever after. But the kicker is it's intertwined with a murder and a cover-up. It certainly intrigued me!
Right at the end of the first episode one of the characters gets hit by a car when she walks across the street to meet her future match (they’ve video-chatted) for the first time.
In Ep. 2 her partner is processing with her friend what has happened to her future partner. She says ‘What if she's brain damaged, what if I have to look after her?’ Her friend asks ‘what about her parents?” She replies ‘both are dead’. Later she also says ‘I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling’. It ends up with her staying with her future partner and the potential ongoing effects of the crash. She turns out fine.
It made me think on this and really question because, the other day a mate of mine, who lives with an acquired brain injury (ABI), said “Able women don't go out with us”. Now that is a blunt as fuck comment and it caught me by surprise.
I’m living with a disability more than ever (due to the car crash) and some of the thoughts that go through my head are:
Why have I struggled to form a solid connection in a relationship?
Is it because of the disability?
Are the assumptions that I'm incapable?
Is it because of the assumed dependence on living at home?
Is it sympathy, not empathy, that the other person is feeling, pity?
Is it harder to get a rewarding job living with a disability and from there, being financially stable?
The mobility, the slowness?
The fact I don't drive?
The physical intimacy?
There are limits to finding answers here. Should I be able to find resolutions in the inner depths of my mind? The best chance here for me to get any answers is to listen and understand where the other person is coming from.
My curiosity has got the better of me. Please do enlighten me on this hypothetical question (I love 'em’)
If the Netflix show, The One, was a real concept and you could really just put some hair in a test tube, and match it with your life partner. Would you get the test done?
Another question, what happens if you match with a person living with a disability, do any of your immediate thoughts fall across any of the questions above?
Or maybe your thoughts are completely different to any of the above, please let me know what you're thinking?
You do need to see the TV show to gauge the whole storyline but watch the trailer to get a sense.
Interesting Find
This is a super interesting YouTube Ted Talk, It is probably the longest-running study of all time, Here are the three main themes they learned from this 75-year Harvard study:
Good social connection leads to better life outcomes. Loneliness can be toxic and lead to worse health outcomes.
That it’s the quality of social connection and relationships that lead to better health outcomes.
That healthy, loving relationships give the other partner's memory a protective coating. Good relationships protect your brain as well, less memory decline
‘The good life is built on good relationships’
My Key Takeaway
The key takeaway for me from this TED talk is that having good friendships and/or partnerships is so important for all of us both physically and emotionally. None of us thrive on loneliness. and I will make the assumption that I'm not the only person reading this who feels this way.
Anyway, that’s my thoughts done for today.
